It became evident quite quickly that I could not afford to fly home to Canada from Minnesota each time I wanted to be near my dad. So hubby and I decided simply to pick up and crash at his parents place in Pennsylvania,(did I mention it was a one bedroom apartment and we slept in the kitchen)? We literally grabbed the pets, some clothing, quit our jobs and drove East (it's an 8hr drive home to Canada from PA, instead of the 26hr drive from Minnesota). Hubby got a job a month later and well I went home to spend the remainder of time with my dad.
I am SO greatful to my hubby to have simply decided that family was more important and that we would just find a way. I am so very greatful to my in laws for being put out for the time we spent on their kitchen floor. I am so greatful to my sister and her hubby for taking care of my furbabies, along with their own two furbabies and their adoooorable furless 2 year old, all the while handling the same stress over losing our dad (Nonno, father in law). Every decision was fluid, there was no hesitation, no second guessing and no regrets. It just came together.
Now I am at a stand still. Everything that was certain is gone. As I sit here on a gorgeous spring weekday, typing away on my keypad I think to my hubby who is out working. The cold hand of guilt steadily taps my shoulder as I think back to the jobs I have held down and the qualifications I have. I am teetering and completely stumped at this fork in the road, no compass can tell me which path to take.
As I mentionned in a previous post I want to do what I am passionate about, not just what I have down on my resume. What is listed there I am proud of, I can type 60 wpm, I can handle multi-tasks, I can create and chair meetings, I can handle public speaking without breaking into a large, noticeable sweat (this is a fear I just recently conquered!). I can do such things, but do I want to?
There is a large part of me that feels as though if I don't make the drastic life changes that I have always held on the backburner, than I would not be honoring my dad. He passed away far to young, far to quickly and made us see that life is to short. Tomorrow is not promised so we must do what we want to do, today.
Yet do I even have this right to sit here and question this at all? In these economic times, where jobs in itself are scarce do I have the right to simply put everything on hold as I make my way through murky decisions? Hubby is supportive of me staying home to complete my online freelance writing course, he is supportive of me submitting columns or articles to magazines with no guarantee of a pay check. We are getting by, but there is no such thing as savings and my frugal mind stresses when there is no cash holed up in a sock somewhere! So I search the want ads with a heavy heart all the while wishing I could work freelance.So I ask, are you doing what you love? Or are you simply "doing", to sustain a lifestyle that you want?